Tuesday, December 20, 2016

15 Signs You've Moved On Just A Little Too Quickly

There's no right or wrong way to break someone's heart. 

I'm a fan of ripping the Band-Aid clean off. I like dumping all my, well, crap onto the table and then proceeding to cut all ties as I retreat to a heavily wooded area for a week, maybe a month, and live naked amidst the wilderness. I then shed my skin and come back a newer, stronger man with a shocking amount of pubic hair and poison ivy rashes. That's just how I, a poorly adjusted Millennial who spends too much time online, choose to handle devastating loss in my life.

Other people like the chocolate and alcohol route. That's a classic. Others become hard line feminists who fill their social media with women who are #SoBrave and #Inspiring and #Strong or #IndependentWoman. 

Like I said, there's no right or wrong way to deal with the fact that in the eyes of another human being, you are a wildly inadequate life partner. So grieve, people. Grieve your little Grinch hearts out. The people in this article did, and I am sure they're doing just fine as lonelier versions of their formerly happy selves!

1. This is how guys relapse after a particularly bad breakup.

2. "Dear Britain: I'm better off without you and here's why..."

Sincerely, 'Murica.

3. "I hate him! I'm never dating ano- damn...DAMN this rice cake is good. Yeah, I'm over it."

4. "No I'm fine, dude. I always look like this when I'm strong, happy and moving on with my life."

5. The famous couch for recently single, emotionally distraught women across America.

6. Well, she didn't waste any time becoming the "hateful ex-girlfriend" did she?

7. "Tunapaswa kuvunja" is "we should break up" in Swahili, by the way.

8. I can picture this kid shuffling his orange hands through a bag of Doritos as he types this break up to her.

9. I was doing fine, and then Ben & Jerry turned into a low-key fortune cookie.

10. This is one couple that'll never breakup: tequila and chocolate cake.

11. "Kermit's pork chops did taste...lipsticky," Elmo thought to himself.

12. Enter Bowser: "So are you, like, single now or what?"

13. I do this even when my relationships are healthy. Quiet spaces and being alone with my thoughts is terrifying.

14. I use laughter as a defense mechanism for dealing with real feelings as well. 

It makes you a great writer.

15. "I did some heavy breathing exercises and went to the gym and now, spiritually anyway, I feel better about where I am."

Main image via reddit / psuedoserious

Collage images via 1. Imgur / ironmonkey313 2. reddit / goie


Author: verified_user