Friday, March 24, 2017

16 Signs Your Schooling Won't Pay Off

I have a short story that sums up what I think about college.

The day my political science degree arrived in the mail, my dad handed it to me with a big smile on his face. "Here's your degree, Andrew."

"Oh...thanks," I said dismissively as I kept doing whatever it was I was doing in that moment.

"D-do you want me to hang it?"

"No, it's fine."

"It's fine, I can hang it for you. I don't mind. I'll buy a frame too." he said. He was more proud of my degree than I was.

I took a deep breath. "Dad...I've spent $30,000 on a political science degree. I work as a plumbing salesman now. Trust me when I tell you I don't want anyone to spend any more money or waste any more time on my academic pursuits."

He put the degree on the kitchen table. "If-uh...If you need to talk about anything, I'm always here, buddy."

To this day, almost two years later, my degree remains buried somewhere deep in my closet – with my feelings – still in its original packaging. 

But hey...I'm sure you'll do something with your degree.

1. Don't get an English degree, they said!

I don't see any engineering students getting the top score on Words With Friends.

2. But at least I'm cultured!

Yes, cultured with your impractical watch inspired by an artist "only art students" will have heard of.

3. "It'll pay off down the road,"

said the sociology major with slight uncertainty in her voice.

4. But, Conan!

If I don't have a college degree, how do I back up my credentials on tumblr debates? Or-or start sentences with, "As a political science major..."

5. Just when you think that Masters degree is going to pay off...

You remember you're not a half aboriginal, half [insert minority here] disabled woman. Classic.

6. One day, I'm going to engineer things that make the world better.

Five years and $100,000 later: "My God...I did it."

7. Sorry about your luck, Harry.

But I feel better knowing that even in fictional universes, fictional students are getting fictional degrees that aren't worth a damn.

8. MFW it's 98 degrees outside

and you're another 8,900 hours at $9.00/hr away from paying off your student loans

9. Savage:

verb, attack ferociously and maul. "Golly gee, Lou-Anne. Your dad is savage AF."

10. He must be proud.

He literally went to clown college and has already done more with his degree than you ever will.

11. Remember that third-year fluid dynamics course?

Neither do I, but I bet it had something to do with this.

12. "Yeah Alex, I'll take 'things worth more than my college degree' for $500."

Alex Trebek: "An increasingly obsolete spongy square pad that a mouse sits on."

13. Does anyone else around here give a sh*t about the rules?!

No. Make your own rules, the game is rigged, folks.

14. I may not be able to make my student loan payments...

but let me tell you how I'd solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. 

15. We've all been there.

Those last couple weeks of the semester when you realize how, despite all your schooling, you're no better off than you were in the eight grade.

16. But the real reason school won't pay off

is because you're a smart-ass millennial who'd rather be cheeky than, say, open a business or move to where good jobs are...JUST LIKE ME!

Main image via rimgur / projectY

Collage images via 1. imgur / requit 2. reddit / dsully1328


Author: verified_user