Saturday, April 1, 2017

16 Things Required In A 'Dad Starter Pack'

Father's day is upon us and it's time we take on the entire concept of what is "dad." There are definitely things unique to all our dads that we know separates them from the others, but for the most part, we can definitely nail down the properties that make up the dadness, or "dadittude" if you will, of a man. One that always came to my mind is that you'll need to pick up a robe, but not just any robe. This robe has to be old, used, and ratty as hell! It shouldn't go past the knees and it should be able to open up on a whim. Maybe that's just been from my experince, but I know my dad wasn't the only one who had one of those bad boys. Now, here's a bunch more things you're gonna need to know about and pick up if you're considering being a real dad-style dad...

1. Coffee mugs, and lots of em!

For dads, the punnier the better. You'll need a good collection that shows off your dad-style humor and still makes you chuckle every time. If you would describe it as "neat" or would "get a kick out of that," then you've done it right.

2. A massive collection of outdated tech.

Nothing is obsolete in the eyes of a dad! To throw away anything is a sin greater than murder. And hey, they'll thank you when they need to see that user's manual for a commodore 64, those receipts from 1988, and your nifty collection of dead, non-rechargeable batteries!

3. The newspaper, reading glasses, and single booth combo

There's the time you need in the morning to read a physicalnewspaper. Who needs to bother with a tablet/iPad? They strain your eyes and you already spent enough on those sharp bifocals!

4. The best BBQ equipment available!

Your role as a dad means you're thegrill master! No one knows how to work the grill like you and if they try, they usually mess it up. It's up to you to bring your expertise into charring the crap out of the meat like a man does!

5. A lawnmower that would make Tim Allen proud

The more power the better! If it starts smoking or breaking down, just keep going, you'll be able to fix it and make it even better later on...

6. A massive collection of ties

The weirder, wackier, or more offensive to fashion, the better! The point is to have a lot of them, regardless of what they may look like or how many you already own. She gets shoes? We get ties!

7. Much like mugs and ties, you'll need a LOT of golf clubs!

It doesn't matter how often you golf or how many of these you actually use. To part with a putter is to drivea man birdy

8. A massive camera that should be used on every occasion

No one knows how to capture a moment like a dad. So, you're going to want to save up and get an overpriced camera that is way too high-tech for the simple family photos you'll be taking. If it can take video as well, even better. The point is to whip out this bad boy at restaurants or family gatherings and take pictures when people are definitely not in the mood to have their picture taken at all. The more awkward they look in the photo, the more you've won!

9. Knowledge of all sports and the need to watch them

It does not matter what sport it is, dads are on the ball. Even if you don't like watching hockey, tennis, soccer, whatever, you're going to put them on. Football, baseball, and golf are the obvious three staples of dad sports, but the rest are important too. You are probably going to want to take a nap during these games, so make sure to keep the remote secure either in your hands or on your belly when you do so. 

10. The ability to drive and teach driving...

No one knows the road like a dad, everyone else on the road is just a turkey!

11. A handy-dandy fanny pack

As always, the less fashionable, the better! So what says no-fashion like a fanny pack? Plus you'll have so much room to carry neat stuff!

12. The classic socks and sandals combo

If you don't have time, money, or effort to get these things on your own, now there's a perfect solution that combines it all! Perfect for wearing around the house or to weddings.

13. A stack of old magazines

Some classic reading material from your past. Mostly to be kept in the garage, but always handy for your son(s) to find in their early teen years... you know, for studying. 

14. A beer belly of epic proportions 

It doesn't even necessarily have to be from beer, but the point is, you're gonna need a keen belly on you. As mentioned earlier, it's a great place to keep the remote when you're napping in order to dissuade channel-changers, but it can also be used to balance bowls of snacks. A handy must have for any dad.

15. A plethora of "dad-jokes" to embarrass the family with

"Dad, I'm hungry"
"Hi hungry, I'm Dad!"
That's a great start, now work from there and elicit this kind of reaction:

16. Aaaaaand slippers.

I mean really, what's a dad without the most comfortable pair of slippers? In my experience, you're the most comfy when you have three (3). That way if the dog chews one or you misplace one at the store when you walked over there, you can come home to a full pair. Also, wear them as often as humanly possible, and no one will second guess your dad-itude!


Author: verified_user