Monday, May 1, 2017

34 Girls Far Too Savage For This Earth

Greetings, fair lady! I see you have chosen to partake in some lighthearted enjoyment picked especially for the delicate sensibilities of your feminine sex. I assure you, nothing indecorous lurks here — only the most polite sentiments! With that, I bid you enjoy and hope that you find our selections relatable AF. 

1. Are we really the weaker sex, though?

This is my dad in a nutshell. He could chop his arm off without flinching, but one sniffle and he's out for the count.

2. Gender stereotypes are beyond annoying, but at least we can laugh at them, right?

And by the end of it, we see how false they really are...take that! Go girl.

3. Brother Bear: Maybe some birds fly to the moon, and maybe I can fly like a bird.

Mother Bear: ...and maybe you're a little fat bear cub with no wings and no feathers.

4. God forbid you actually know more about the manliest of man topics!

The sheer number of useless stats guys memorize always astounds me. I can like sports without knowing the minutiae surrounding every team!

5. Uggh, you know all the really goodones are taken...

You can blame the ancient Greeks for that...taking all the Amazons away...It's like we can't even dream anymore. Come on!

6. How darethey give young girls more role models to look up to?

How dare they give Hollywood actresses more leading roles? It's an outrage! The nerve of some people...

7. It's time to clean out that closet of judgment. Scrub! Scrub!

Once you get rid of it, you won't miss it! It's much easier to pick out an outfit in the mornings with all that crap gone!

8. We've all done it

Probably multiple times a week, too...But honestly, if a guy can't form the actual words, is he really worth a response? I'm worth more than an acronym, pal.

You know Hill is a savage. If you were married to Bill, you'd need a little sass in your frass too.

100% he was eyeing up some balloons waiting to be released, though.

9. Apparently, you can't mansplain if you're a woman.

If someone mansplains your original mansplanation then do they cancel each other out or just double it? I wish I had a man to explain it...

10. Who says girls aren't good at pranks?

This one is a heart-stopper for sure! If you ever want to test your partner's sense of humor, this is the way to do it!

11. Ahh yes, the mystery that is menstruation. Call Nic Cage! 

You'd think the engineers responsible for groundbreaking space research would have been capable of obtaining this answer with some quick math...

12. This is way better than giving out a fake number

When that one guy at the club won't stop bugging you for your number, you do what you've got to do...

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling the heat. 

Or should I say shade? But, baby, buckle up, because that was just a warm-up. Now for the meat and potatoes...

13. Never has there been a more accurate description

These friends are the worst. Needless to say, most of us are just praying for menopause. They're also super expensive and need constant maintenance.

14. Sorry, Reece, it doesn't look as if the odds are in your favor

I think we can all agree Tinder is always a gamble...but not if you rig the game!

15. Don't mess with our shower time, you will be sorry...

Very, very sorry! Forget the RBF, girls, Resting Demon Face is the way of the future! Watch your back.

16. We are living in a dog-eat-dog world.

The economy is so bad that even girl scouts have to up the hustle game in order to make dat cash. Money, money, money, honey!

Oh, hold up! I don't think I showed you guys my school photo from this year yet.

They call me extra, which I prefer over basic, but to me it's justenough.

17. Just another one of the magical aspects of womanhood 

During that week, to anything body-conscious, high-waisted, or really anything with a waist in general: get it the frig off me. Period moomoos, anyone?

18. Do I tell them now? Do I wait until after they've stopped trying to spoon?

Do I avoid the topic completely and just ghost their texts for a few weeks? Yep, definitely the last one...

19. The best date is just you, yourself, and carbs 

If you think for one moment that being single is going to prevent me from milking that Olive Garden buffet dry, then you, sir, do not know me!

20. Sometimes, even when you're first, you're last

Although this statement tends to be more applicable if you happen to have ovaries...

It's cool, guys. Setting a world record is no big deal. Definitely subheading material.

21. This is not the girl you are looking for 

Trust me, guys: getting that "natural" look you think you're talking about takes about as much time and effort as building the Death Star.

The best thing about millennial women is they aren't afraid to take you to school.

We are just so loving that we want to dole out some free education to you hungry learners.

22. Share your secret with us, RiRi!

I personally think her I-don't-give-a-crap attitude has created a force field which prevents little malfunctions like this from occurring. She is totally the epitome of stardom.

Oh, we know you are, RiRi. Slay them all like the queen you are.

Just maybe save a little bit of your fab for the rest of us? We're not worthy!

23. If you want to court a lady, make sure you keep it 100.

Being overconfident and cocky will get you precisely NOwhere. Trust me, I kNOw these things. PS: Katie rules.

24. In celebration of the new Wonder Woman movie, I think nothing could be more fitting.

Not only is she a straight-up savage, but she also makes excellent points about fragile masculinity.

25. This flower has the power.

And it's backed by some incredibly savage women you definitely want on your side.

26. The great debate... 

That in all honesty is not a debate whatsoever. 


It's not that I want some guy saying this to me, but I love that I have a great comeback ready just in case.

28. His opinion wasn't needed.

Thankfully this girl knew exactly how to help him out.

It's super great ("great" being the key word here) when a guy assumes that you're wearing makeup solely for the purpose of trying to impress him.

29. When you’re the epitome of savage. 

This woman is my spirit animal. Not only is she sassy as hell, but she makes the most on-point comparisons. 

I don't think I've ever witnessed someone compare a computer mouse to a white straight guy before and I'm digging it. (Does "digging it" make me sound old? I really hope not.) 

30. Wait, gold eyelids aren’t real??!

Yeah, there's that... and the fact that society doesn't tell men they're ugly without makeup. #realtalk

How does everyone feel about starting a movement? Let's tell men they need facial hair to look good and then tell them they must be trying to cover something up. Sounds legit...

31. Ladies sit however ladies want to sit, amirite? 

Why are women expected to sit with their legs closed when men think it's okay to manspread even though women also have a little "something something" down there? 

32. Battle of the sexes — er, search engines. 

Ohhhh SNAP! Sassy-spoon's comment is everything, but I'm a woman so I might be a little bit biased.

Also, that face... 'Nuff said. 

33. When you get to fight the double standard as a cute animal. 

This could just be me but I'm pretty sure someone growing an animal on their face is a lot more disgusting than hairy legs. You don't have to make out with my legs! 

34. …We're listening! 

I'm not an expert on Wonder Woman by any means, but I'm pretty sure she's constantly dismissed by a room full of men (oh, the irony!) and has to actively try to convince the men alongside her that she's an equal. Reminds me of something...

SHARE this with all of your most savage gal pals. 

We are queens, born into our own brand of royalty, demanding nothing but loyalty from the peasants. Sorry, not sorry.


Author: verified_user