Thursday, August 24, 2017

21 People Who Are Failing At Evolution

It's hard to believe humans have survived until the year 2016. Our finger seems to always be hovering above the self destruct button and somehow, we've never pressed it. That isn't to say the mentally stunted among us haven't tried. Humans are so good at aiding in our certain demise that there's a yearly award given out to the people who died in the most preventable ways possible. If you haven't already, google "Darwin Award." It's brilliant stuff.

Anyway, this article is dedicated to all those folks out there who survived their own certain death. It's not written as a commemoration or a warning to stop doing things like this. Nay, nay. We're severely overpopulated and we need a mass culling, folks. I'm sure we'll get it one day soon, but for now, let's laugh in the face of the shallow end of the human gene pool.

1. When grandma tries to be as chill as grandpa and a grandson dies.

2. This is going to make a really good advertisement for a gun safety course. And maybe a Darwin Award nomination.

3. On this day, Attila the Hun became a verb. "He tried to Attila the Hun himself."

4. Let's say he succeeded. Then what? How do you segue that into a conversation? Would any women (men?) be impressed? Questions a plenty.

5. The only time gas and fire should mix is when trying to kill a nest of spiders. 

6. If you imagine that he was using the baby as bait for if this presentation were to go sideways, it makes sense. I feel like I'm wrong on that one.

7. Let's see if Instagram can tell me if there's anything down the barrel.

8. I don't always advocate profiting off death, but if a stiff wind comes along, this camera person can make a lot of money posting the video to YouTube.

9. It'd be un-American to trim shubs any other way. 

10. Low-cost vasectomy.

11. "I have a complaint." 
"Your electrical outlet is improperly labeled as a key cleaner."

12. This week on American Ninja Warrior!

13. You ever been simultaneously stabbed by 5 butchers knives?

14. No one in Russia gives a damn about the rules.

15. He's obviously never seen Fargo.

16. And that, kids, is why you wear fall harnesses. 

17. Fortunately, your gene pool likely won't be forever & ever.

18. Don't let style get in the way of practicality.

19. People's ability to procreate despite their...inefficiencies...amazes me.

20. You can't cook the cook made for people who can't cook.

21. Stand back and watch how this one plays out. 


Author: verified_user