Sunday, July 1, 2018

26 Food-Abusing People Who Would Have Gordon Ramsay In Tears

The contestants on the Food Network are truly in a league of their own. 

The way they are able to create culinary masterpieces on a time crunch — often with limited resources — is beyond me. 

It is only human nature to want to emulate those who inspire us. Those who make us want to be rock stars in the kitchen. 

But the human race is not perfect. Often, we are told to believe in what we can achieve. It does seem, however, that those rules do not apply in the kitchen. 

Here are 17 peoplewhose feeble attempts at fine dining could reduce Gordon Ramsay to tears. 

1. As if the vanilla Oreo wasn't bougie enough. 

I like the intensity of the knife they chose. Not a butter knife. No, a steak knife. On a paper plate. This is gonna end suuuper well, I bet. 

2. Because cooking isn't always as easy as TV makes it look. 

 Nuggets in animal shapes are still fancier than just normal nugs, right?

3. The jig is up!  

Why have a real egg when you can have these...concerning mutant looking eggs. I can't even begin to imagine what they're made of.  

Oh, it's eggs. Literally just eggs and sugar. That is the most anticlimactic thing ever.

4. PB&J is for the simpleton no more. 

This sandwich is beautifully THICC. Check that generously applied peanut butter. See how it lies so perfectly beneath that sweet, sweet berry jam. *sheds single tear*

5. Chipotle has nothing on this guy. 

Excuse me while I never touch refried beans again. If micro greens can't save this dish, nothing can. 

6. But then there are people like this ....

Who? What? Where? WHY? And no offence, but wtf?

Do my eyes deceive me?! If Gordon saw this, let alone had to taste it, he would book a first-class ticket to a deserted island and cry into his cookbooks. Jesus, take the wheel.

7. Well, at least this person is trying to be gourmet. 

It's the thought that counts, right? 

8. But at least we can appreciate this person's love of seafood. 

This is dedication to a sushi craving unlike any I have seen before. DIY truly at its best. Is that wasabi on the side? Daaaamn. 

Why go buy expensive sushi when you can make your own with the supplies already in your kitchen?!

9. This is honestly a five-star drizzle.

I have yet to see a drizzle this nice at a real restaurant, to be honest. It looks like it just butterfly-kissed the plate. Like it was sent down by the heavens to gently graze the nuggets. And peep that sexy, subtle French fry accent. Damn. Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

10. I don't know what's going on here, but I'm not mad at it. 

Tequila-soaked noodles sound like a sweet dream and a beautiful nightmare all at once. If the world could get drunk on ramen noodles, it would make our lives so much easier. 

Let's be real. It's all going to the same place after a night at the bar anyway. Might as well be efficient and streamline the process. 

11. Wonder what Gordon would think of this sandwich trifecta. 

The variety of textures has me SHOOK! But this aesthetic is not pleasing, I'm not gonna lie to you. 

The worst part is, I think it might actually taste pretty long as I keep my eyes closed. But Gordon eats with his eyes open, so, SOS! 

12. That star is shooting higher than my dreams. 

I'm still gonna make a wish on it, tho. 

That mac n' cheese patty's perfect circular form looks too pure for this world, acting as a perfect bed for the nugs. I have so many questions for the chef. But mostly...will you train me?

13. I mean, there's gotta be more to it than that, right?

If it's as easy as this: I'm starting up my own Michelin Star restaurant ASAP. Watch out, world!

Peep that drizzle. Everyone knows a li'l drizzle makes it fancy af. 

Actual footage of me cooking in my soon-to-be-opened restaurant:

See how easy it looks? She's probably making drizzle. 

14. This is a drunk food fantasy. 

That cilantro garnish has me feeling some type of way. Who needs hot dog buns when you can fashion a ramen noodle sling, giving you two meals in one? Living!!!

15. Cooking pasta is supposed to be easy! Now everything feels like a lie.

It really shouldn't be this hard. 8–10 mins in boiling water. How did we get so lost? 

16. We are officially roaming in the Twilight Zone now. 

Behold, possibly the most tragic pasta you will ever see. Italy is crying right now. So many flaws here. 

The pasta wasn't even hot enough to melt the very meltable American cheese. This is in a buffet, guys, like...this is being served to the public. This makes cheese wiz look gourmet. I must avert my eyes. 

I can just about faintly hear Gordon yelling "donkey" in the background. So dark. 

I mean, do I, an adult woman, do most of my pasta-eating alone, straight out of the pot? Yes. 

But that doesn't mean a girl can't have her standards. Justice for melty cheese!  

17. But I mean, these symmetrical nug squares are impressive. 

This nug and ketchup grid clearly took time and effort. The presentation is a solid 8.9 out of 10. And the pickle looks like a flower. To be honest, I wouldn't be mad if I received a bouquet of pickle flowers. It'd be better than the no flowers I'm getting currently, lol. 

18. If you thought you liked cold pizza before. 

Ooooh, back at it again with that drizzle. These layers are giving me life. Who says pizza can't be fancy?? And that single pepperoni as garnish? Ooooh, baby. Is that a mixed green blend? Daaaaaamn. I mean, Gordon would still cry, but he would at least appreciate the fresh produce. And the ranch. Bitches love ranch. 

19. Carbo load. 

Have you ever seen a more impractical sandwich? What happens when you start eating it? It'd be noodle city. Noodles er'where. In your hair, on your lap, on the floor, on your dignity. 

20. Who says charcuterie has to be bougie?

Why have real fruit and cheese when the fruit can be gummy and the cheese can be stringy? 

The visual of these children's snacks being fancied up to pass as an appetizer gets an A for aesthetic effort, but it's a no for me. 

21. This aggressively pink hot dog ... 

Nope. Nope. No thanks. Nope. 

I wanna die and come back to life and never see that hot dog again.

22. WHAT is this? No really... what is this?

I'm sad. Is that corn? I can't. 

It's the dankest looking chicken Cesar salad on top of the world's saddest looking pizza. Honestly, this needs to be removed from planet Earth immediately. 

23. We can only hope that if one has the money to buy steak, one should have the knowledge to cook it properly.

As if metal hangers weren't heinous enough, this is, visually, so terrifying. What is the purpose of this? What are we doing here?

24. You'll never be able to unsee this. 

These lifeless noodles draped over what appears to be a cold tortilla shell make me sad on the inside. On a paper plate. The epitome of a hot mess.  

25. There's a lot to take in with this picture. 

The soggy nuggets. The soupy SpaghettiOs. The misspelling of "chef" as "chief." It's all so dark. Granted, this train wreck of a meal would not make this person a master chief or a master chef. Yikes, honestly. 

26. I mean, who doesn't like their ice cubes a little spiced?

Oh, everyone? Cool. 

So no thanks, wannabe chefs, I'll take a burger over your "gourmet" BS anyday. 


Author: verified_user