Saturday, August 4, 2018

14 Things You Didn't Know You Needed In Your Life

Does anybody else live in a strange and vicious circle in which you struggle and scrape and pinch pennies and deny yourself to save up and move towards your goals, only to finally get fully comfortable with yourself and where you're at, only then to be presented by some previously unknown AWESOME thing that you don't have and must now acquire in order to survive? No? Just me? 

Okay, maybe I'll consider going back to my therapist and apologizing for what I did to his rug. Before I do, though, take a lookie-loo at this list of awesome stuff you probably didn't even know you needed before now, and make sure you grab some of it because Christmas is happening, like, really soon. 

1. The MacGyver Of All Clothes...Seriously

This jacket can literally do it all. And I use literally in a literal way here. It has a *takes deep breath* neck pillow, eye mask, drink pocket, microfiber cloth, sunglasses pocket, iPad pocket, built-in gloves, earphone holders, passport pocket, phone pocket, pen + stylus, blanket pocket, portable charger pocket, and hand warming pockets. Now it just needs a waffle maker.Get yours HERE.

2. No more Green Apple! Praise Jaysus!

3. Now I can manage to get just the right amount of stroke!

4. Now I can use my toothpaste evenly rather than burning through the first half in a week and stretching the rest for 6 months!

5. The perfect gift for the human infomercial in your life!

6. Now you can lose weight and control your crippling gaming/porn addiction!

7. Now only those who can play Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" may enter!

8. For when you go camping with questionable people OR when you want to be the comfiest super hero ever!

9. Now you can save dozens of dollars on glasses and mugs by turning your bathroom faucet into an elementary school water fountain!

10. Now pooch can stay dry AND you're in the clear from those pesky Alpo farts!

11. With mace being so expensive, this is great for snacking AND for walking through dark alleys alone at night!

12. If we'd had this a few years ago, Uncle Jim would still be with us (Uncle Jim is what Mom used to call my Dad's thumb, for some reason...)

13. This is a true work of genius, but I fear that each and every single one sold will be destroyed after the first "4 Loco Fraternity/Sorority Mardi Gras Wet T-Shirt Mixer!"

14. Not just for the crime scene mortician on the go anymore!


Author: verified_user